Friday, July 26, 2013

Life Lately

The past two weeks have flown by. The older Miles gets, the faster the days go. When he was a cranky little baby, each day felt like a week. But now we are getting out of the house, taking good naps and making some big belly laughs.

July has been a fun month filled with little family adventures and work fun:

  • Coffee dates with friends who moved back home
  • Late nights on the porch with neighbors
  • Crib sleeping for Miles 
  • One morning a week free while Miles is with my mom
  • A six month birthday for Miles which included two goldfish in an aquarium that's providing minutes of entertainment for him
  • Lots of Etsy calling card, graduation announcement and wedding invitation orders
  • New projects with an old client

My heart has felt heavy as of late. I've been neglecting a lot of things and spending my time on things that don't matter (like Facebook and Instagram). It has been so hard to get motivated to dig into the Bible to see what God is trying to tell me. I know that now, more than ever, I need to lean on the word of God for guidance, support and clarity. Since becoming a mother, I've never questioned so many things. It always seems like I'm doing the wrong thing with him or that I'm going to scar him for life.

It pains me to say this, but motherhood doesn't feel as natural as I anticipated. It's filled with more anxiety, selfishness and stress than I could have imagined. I thought I had no control during pregnancy, but that was nothing compared to the helplessness I sometimes feel as Miles' mom. All this doesn't mean that I don't adore being a mother, or that it's not my calling, but it means that it's hardwork. Dying to your own desires to raise a family is no joke!

I look forward to what August will bring, but I'm grieving the end of summer and Mike's return back to teaching.

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